My top ten favorite Jack Handey Quotes
The following are from Jack Handey:
10."It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
9."Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. "
8."If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might if they screamed all the time for no good reason."
7."Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull? "
6."If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy!"
5."You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea."
4."Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you"
3."Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
2."I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks."
1."To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Jack Handey ( Pure Genius)- This blog is dedicated to the person I discovered Jack Handey with...Daniel Jonas.
10."It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
9."Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. "
8."If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might if they screamed all the time for no good reason."
7."Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull? "
6."If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy!"
5."You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea."
4."Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you"
3."Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
2."I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks."
1."To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Jack Handey ( Pure Genius)- This blog is dedicated to the person I discovered Jack Handey with...Daniel Jonas.
posted by Ryan @ 3:23 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home